Are you in a marriage or committed relationship with someone but feel unloved, or that you have become roommates? Many people enter into marriage with hopes and dreams about the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Then, somewhere into the marriage, it’s almost as if someone flipped a switch. That person changed. The reality is that committed relationships take work for them to flourish. Most of us bring some form of baggage or brokenness, along with some level of selfishness and false expectations into our relationships. While some are able to grow and mature, for many, our problems, hurts, and hand ups only get worse. Wherever you are in your relationship, it’s not too late to make changes and experience the blessings and beauty that healthy loving relationships provide.
Relationship and Marriage Assessments
A great place to begin with any relationship is to utilize assessments as these tools can quickly identify areas of strength along with areas for growth. As a certified Intimacy Anorexia Therapist (IAT) and Prepare-Enrich facilitator, we often utilize these forms of assessments very early in treatment to better understand the dynamics of the relationship. From our experience, these assessments provide a wealth of information for both you and us. With this information in hand, we can then focus on steps and actions for change and growth.
Intimacy Anorexia
Intimacy anorexia is a terminology that was developed by Dr. Doug Weiss, and it is a unique problem that is exclusive to marriages and committed romantic relationships. In essence, the individual with intimacy anorexia can be well liked by others, seem friendly, outgoing and an overall great person, but within their relationship it’s a different story. The definition of intimacy anorexia is the “active” withholding of emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy from the spouse. This behavior can show with the behaviors of busyness, always blaming their partner, withholding love, praise, sex, or spiritual connection, unable to share feelings, ongoing criticism, anger/silence and controlling with money. Additionally, when a client has sex addiction the potential presence of intimacy anorexia increases significantly. In working with couples where this is present, the spouse that is on the receiving end of this behavior is living with tremendous pain. Because it is often undetected by anyone outside the relationship, the table often gets turned on them as they are blamed for the problems. To further exacerbate the problem, very few counselors test or detect this behavior, and as a result can be easily fooled by the Intimacy Anorexic. Our training and familiarity with Intimacy Anorexia makes it easier to identify while also supporting and validating the partner on the receiving end of this behavior.
Relationship and Intimacy Recovery
As the saying goes, you can’t fix the problem unless you have the right tools. In working with couples, the challenges they face are often complex and can cause them to feel hopeless. Fortunately, with the use of assessments and experience with relationships change is possible. It will require effort and diligence, but with the right combination of in session and out of session work, couples can experience the relationship that they never thought was possible.